pas indifférent
by danseurderue
Summary: Based on Hirunaka no Ryuusei chapter 54. Mamura confesses his feelings to Suzume, once again, over a phone call.


This oneshot was written based on chapter 54, and Mamura's point of view. I translated the conversations taken place in this story (except for the part in the taxi) from the Chinese scanlation, so it might be different from the English scanlation.

'Pas indifférent' means 'not indifferent' in French, by the way. Don't worry, you'll get why I gave this oneshot such title when you read it.

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this oneshot. Please drop a review after reading!

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"_Is that so? It's such a pity..."_

"_Nope, not at all, sir."_

Those were what I heard before I slid the door open. I asked my old man and that girl what were they talking about, to which they were stuttering, "no, nothing," in reply.

It's not 'no, nothing', obviously. Oh well, who cares?

But I know, 'who cares' are just words I tell myself to stop thinking too much about that conversation I just recalled. To be honest, I want to know what they were talking about. But again, hell no, I'm not gonna be the one to bring it up, because I have a feeling that... it's about something embarrassing. Don't ask me how I get this feeling, why not we just call it 'gut'?

"Thank you for what you've done for me today," she says politely to my father, standing by the taxi door, "and to think that I've troubled you to send me back all the way here, I am sorry."

"Are you sure you'll be okay walking back home alone?"

"Yes, besides I do not know how to direct the driver to my uncle's place." With a respectful bow, she turns around and wave us goodbye. "Now, I shall get going."

Is she really going to be all right? Walking back home alone while carrying so many bags and it's late now. "Hey," before I knew it, I'm already outside the taxi as well. "Give me your phone." I'll call her to ensure that she has reached home safely later on.

Earlier in the morning, she mentioned that she doesn't have my number, and the same goes for me. So quickly, I exchange our emails and phone numbers. "Here," I place her phone onto her palm, "bye." Instead of getting back on the front seat, I went for the one at the rear.

She gives me a slightly confused look before bidding me farewell as well. "Bye bye."

As soon as the car moved, my father chuckles. "Yosano-san is such a pleasant girl, isn't she?"

"Wha—!" Having to be taken off-guard, I jerked to send a weak glare at him. Then, I lower my voice to not wake Daichi up. He's one huge pain in the neck as long as he's awake. "Don't say such weird things." I frown, looking outside the window though not quite paying attention to the scenery. God, my ears and the sides of my face feel so hot right now.

I hear another chuckle. "Are you not interested in her?"

"L—Like I said...!" I tilt my head to stop him from embarrassing me further.

"Yosano-san believes that you're not interested in her, Daiki. Is that really the case?" He places a gentle hand beside Daichi's head, and brings him closer into his chest. His hand remain. Daichi looks more comfortable sleeping in this position. "You're a quiet child, you don't share much about yourself to anyone since young. But I can tell, that you've been having more fun in school these days." I could feel my cheeks burning up at what comes next. "Is it thanks to her?"

"O—Old man!" I hiss, and he laughs at my reaction... or probably how embarrassingly crimson my face is.

Could it be... this was what they were talking about when I was away at the sushi place?

"Tsk," I click on my tongue softly, and grit my teeth lightly in annoyance while looking out the window. This girl really annoys the hell out of me. I really don't get whatever that's inside a woman's head.

–

After getting back into my room, I removed my coat and settled down on my bed. The conversation in the taxi is still in my mind. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I dial her number.

After a short moment, she answers. "Hello?"

"Hey." My voice is quieter than I expected. "Have you reached home?"

"Ah, yes. I've just reached."

"Is that so?" Conversing with her over the phone makes my heart pound slightly faster in my chest, because there's no sound in the background at all and I could hear her voice really clearly. It sounds as if she's very near beside me.

"What about you, Mamura?"

"I'm home as well."

"I see..." there is a beat of silence before she adds on, "anyway, I've eaten way too much today. Right now, my stomach feels a little unwell."

"Pfft," I snickered, "I told you so."

There's the moment of silence once again. I wonder what she is thinking about right now. Is she trying to find another topic to talk about so this phone conversation would last a little longer? Or is she trying to find a way to end this call appropriately?

Suddenly, I feel the urge to clarify what she told dad back at the sushi place. This is really weird because I don't usually care about what people think of me. I don't know where this came from, but I just... don't want her to misunderstand me.

The longer this silence lasts, the louder it gets. The urge gets greater as well.

"Hey..." I say quietly, placing my loosely clenched fist on my lap in attempt to contain my anxiousness.

"Hm? What is it?"

"I've... never thought of that."

She... is not just another 'person' I happened to know in my life—she is my _crush_. I am even starting to believe that... this feeling is more than just a crush. I hate to admit that this is how I feel for such annoying person, but it's the truth; I have romantic feelings for her. The more I hold back, the fonder these feelings get. It pisses me off every single time—_she_ pisses me off.

"Hm? What are you referring to?"

"About me not having any interest in you... I've never thought of that." I tighten my fist, feeling my fingertips turn cold and cheeks burning up all the way to my ears. _So stop coming up with such weird, wrong assumptions out of nowhere, idiot._ That is what I wanted to say, but decide not to. I... do not want to ruin the atmosphere. I would like her to take my seriously this time, unlike the previous time.

She became really silent after that, as if her breath is caught in her throat. That is when I abruptly mumble a quiet "bye" and hang up. I don't know why I did that, maybe I am just trying to avoid another rejection from her. I don't... want to be pushed away as soon as I told her something I usually would not.

"Ha..." I let out a heavy breathe, as if a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel a little relieved now. Though, I could still feel the warm heat from my face.

I... said it. I've confessed to her once again, somehow. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, especially when she's going through a heartbreak right now. I am supposed to be helping her stand back up onto her own feet... but look at what am I doing right now, giving in to my own selfish temptation to have her recognize my feelings?

_God, this is so messed up._

I bring my hand up and scratch the back of my head. Now, how am I supposed to face her tomorrow? I can't possibly avoid her... or rather, would _she_ avoid me, just like last time? After avoiding me, she would ask me to go to an isolated place with her and reject me once again. I can see that coming, and I would not blame her if she does that. Because... she is still in love with that guy and I am just a special friend to her.

Placing my phone on the study desk, I let out a heavy sigh.

Well, I'd rather stay as her 'special friend' than to stop being with her. Guess I'll just behave like how I usually would tomorrow. Whatever that is meant to happen, will happen.


End file.
